A Promise Of Something More
by SugarQuill41
Summary: Severus Snape would never replace her, Hogwarts would never forget her, her son would become the greatest wizard of all time. How is it then, that the story of this woman remains a secret? The Full story of Lilly Potter as told by Severus Snape.
1. Chapter 1

I am a shadow, Shadows fade…

I am a shadow of darker days

I am the wrong, disguised as the right

I am pure darkness, twisted with light

I'll warn you again now, if i haven't before

I hold in me a promise, of something more.

Fire red hair fell down her shoulders as she gazed at me... Her green eyes penertrating far beyond my skin. I wished she would not look at me that way, so much dissapointment in that beautiful face, I hated the way I made her look. Whenever she was with me, her features grew long and drawn out in a perminant frown, she looked tired and sad. I hated that it was me who made her like that.

She twisted one of her curls behind her ear and forced a smile onto her face, but it did not quite reach her eyes. Those flawless, emerald eyes. Her hand fell to my bare chest. her heat seeped into me...

"Snape" Lord Voldermort pulled me out of my memories, nostrils flaring in his impatience. How could this be happening? Why her? God, Why her? He Couldn't be sure of course, that it was her baby... Her baby that fit the prophesy. This was not happening, this could not be happening. Not to Lily Evans, wait... Potter, Lily Potter now that she had married that simpering coward. James Potter - how i hated him, if no one else, I hated him.

I could not bare to think of it, their small cottage in Godric's hollow that I knew so well, alive with green light, a mirror of the green in her eyes. Now they are twisted in fear. The dark mark floating directly above. The seductive serpent contorting itself in it's mocking dance. Worst of all, the baby... That baby with her same green eyes, just one year of age. He, so much part of Lily, still in submission to the Dark Lord. Silent in death.

What could I do? I was not welcome in the house anymore since James Potter had found me there... He did not condone our friendship. How could I save Lily, my Lily. God, I still remember the first day of seeing her. She was alone, her shimmering hair caught up in an effortless bun, but she was angry, the type of feisty anger that could only be yielded from a redhead. I had not been brave enough to interrupt her rampage but from the sparks her anger caused, excitement took hold of me over the girl. She was a witch! The crash of a tree branch some way in front of me proved it, Magic ran through her veins.

I had never felt more alive...


	2. Chapter 2

I sat on the stairs. Resting my cheek against the oak banister, eyes closed against the pounding in my head. Without thinking, I pulled the misshapen smock down over my knees, my hands tangled in its tired fabric.

I was aware that my hair had become flyaway and greasy as I had run my shaking fingers though it. I was snotty and tearstained and my eyes were wide with fear. I don't suppose it was a pretty sight, but I'd become accustomed by now to the fact that that was something I would never be.

They were at it again… I winced at the harshness of their tones, each flying insult becoming a knife in my chest. I could sense rather than see that her eyes were puffy, with that same pleading stare, searching for the love that she longed to yield from his cold eyes. He didn't care though, did he? - Of course not. He just loomed over her smugly, knowing he could so easily break her. Red sparks flew from the door...

It was a knowledge that we shared…My mother, though not exactly fragile, had been crushed by him before and I had been there to witness it. I didn't even try to stop him beating her any more; it seemed so useless if she would not stand up in her own defence.

Trust me, I had often thought about getting the police involved, but she loved him far too much, him being made to pay for his actions was much more likely effect her, rather than him. She insisted that the damage caused by his filthy hands was nothing, could repair so easily with time. It was the scars etched into my mind that had become impossible to erase.

I was stone at the sound of his footsteps coming towards the open hallway; it was lit by the dim light of the afternoon sun streaming through a small window. One thing was for sure, I would not let him see me cry…

He didn't give me a second look as he waltzed out the house. With every fibre of my being, I hated him.

A million angry spells snapped at the edges of my mind. If only I was brave, if only I could have summoned up the courage to beat him down a peg or two. He would never have known what had hit him if I was only as strong as my hatred had become for him; Nurtured by his constant overbearing nature, his quick temper, his inability to care about anyone other than himself. All of the fiery anger was held up in my heart, but I'm not like him! I wanted his pain for my mother, not for myself… the image of him withering in pain was one that could only come with a certain amount of satisfaction but it was exactly what his was owed for everything that he had ever done to damage us.

When he left - as always - she remained in the heap that he had reduced her to, sprawled out on the living room floor. It would stay that way until he revived her, and I prayed that she would not give him the advantage of having that amount of power over her. My vicious father was the only one who could destroy her, but she relied on him to fix her again too. He would breeze in later, when he thought I was asleep or oblivious (I'm not sure which) the stale smell of alcohol on his breath and he would pick her up and pull her into his lap. I don't know how he could bare to look at her breaking form, knowing that he had caused her that pain. She seemed to heal under his touch. How could he soothe away the hurt he himself had caused?

He boiled the blood running through my veins. I could not blame my mother, her love unconditional beyond the extreme, but it sickened me to see her forgive him so readily. He knew then, that he could get away with it, and I knew that it would come round again like the swinging pendulum of the grandfather clock, stood in the corner; the storm would return, and we would all come to blows. But, that was the way it was, the way it always was… Each day the lottery would decide on his disposition and in turn, the fate of my mother and me.

Being the coward I am, I stayed away from them, as my mother often begged of me.

Caged inside the bedroom, I would find myself crawling up the walls. I was never comfortable in my room. I say _my_ room, but that is not exactly what I mean. It was_ a_ room. It just happened to be the one I had inhabited for the last ten years of my life, but it wasn't _my_ room. The walls were a dreary grey paired with the musky browns of the floorboards and the furniture. The thin blanket on my bed looked like it had once had life… but, the vibrant blue colours were now faded and threadbare. The bed was small and lumpy and took up most of the space which was limited to begin with. It was a very impersonal affair; there was nothing there that would tell you that it was mine.

In the opposite corner from the bed, there was a small cupboard. It held all of my clothes. There were a few of my father's small jumpers and a couple of pairs of jeans from the family next door but all of their kids were bigger than. I had a few things my mother had knitted… though most had holes in them were she had dropped stitches or were I had pulled them out carelessly when I was superman saving the town from the volcano by rock climbing the hill or something childish like that. Most of my wardrobe was made up of my mother's pregnancy smocks. They were huge, but she insisted I keep them so not to waste the material and said they would keep me toasty warm.

That was the most embarrassing thing about being poor… Everything I had, and I mean _everything_, had been someone else's before it was mine.

Hand me down things for an invisible boy.

I hadn't seen Lily again since that first time, I was begining to think that i had imagined the whole encounter. I wouldn't have been suprised, that was the kind of thiing that lonliness could do to you.

I stopped breathing, his footsteps echoed through the silent house. I would not let him see me cry. I ran out the front door into the pouring rain... I cursed the fact that I had been too hasty to grab my coat but I did not stop running untill I reached the wood... the lightness of the sun breathing down through the trees was enchanting. I suddenly thought that there must be a rainbow somewhere. I heard her before I saw her, small sobs rang out in the quiet. When she came into view, my heart broke. Her eyes were raw where she had rubbed away tears, i approached very cautiously, weary of her reaction, but she seemed unpreturbed by my presence.

I couldn't get my brain to make my mouth speak... _say something, oh please say something. Anything would be better than silence._

"Severus Snape, right?" she asked in a faltering tone. I nodded in recognition to my name, pretending I wasn't suprised.

"Lily?" I questioned, she nodded and let out a wet laugh when I flicked my hair out of my eyes. Her gaze locked on mine, her hair was wet, her clothes soaked to the skin, she was shivering. I took off the smock and wrapped it around her shoulders, I still wore a long sleeved tee shirt beneath. She thanked me, and took out a letter from her pocket. I recognised it at once. It was from Hogwarts School of Wichcraft and Wizardry, Lily would be going.


	3. Chapter 3

It had taken a while to explain to Lily that her parents didn't need to be magical for her to be. I hadn't realised it would be such a struggle for her to understand her position... It took nearly two days for her to realise the wonder of her situation. Lily's biggest regret was her sister Petunia, ever since she had found out she was a witch, she'd been spiteful to Lily. She was so used to her sisters constant companionship. Now that she was to face life without it, part of her felt a new freedom, and the other a huge loss.

The magic she could perform was astounding... As time passed before we would recieve letters for Diagon Alley, I found myslef studying Lily Evans as I had never studied anyone before. With the absence of her sister, Lily spent most of her time with me an that suited me just fine. Time with Lily was time spent out of the house, it was nice to be able to be myself with someone, the way I had never been able to with my parents. The atmosphere in my home was so frictious that I could never do anything that might cause it to collapse. I was so very careful, it was as thought the walls were metal spikes and the floor was egg shells and you had the find a way to live in it. Getting out of the house to be with Lily was a blessing. There were no secrets between us. We were just two eleven year olds who spent there time in trees calling to each other about whether the enemy had progressed over our borders. We paddled in the river and splashed each other till we were dripping and spent hours on end rolling down hills boasting about the size of the grass stains we created. We chased each other through farmers fields laughing hysterically at there outraged cries as we trampled down various crops. The truth was simply, we were children, we spent our time having fun and causing havoc and laughing. It was brilliant, and we didn't care about other people, because at that time it seemed as though we were the only two people on the planet.

She was so fascinating. I had never had anyone before to be able to notice the little things, and there were little things; the way she let her hair fall into her face when she was embarrassed, the way she would stare into the distance and I would yearn to know what she was thinking, the way her lips always twiched upwards and the way she treated me, as if I was the best person in the world, how very wrong she was... How very wrong i would prove her to be.t

The freckles on her face became more prominant as spring turned to summer. In early May, she held my hand as we walked through the long grass at the back of her house. She was wearing a pale green summer dress, her hair flew out around her face in the wind, a light wind. A breeze that you hoped would last forever, because right there in that moment you were th happiest you've ever known yourself. If the freshness of the moment could stay forver, perhaps the feeling would too. A brilliant blush painted across her cream cheeks, she was the sun of a dark universe. I wanted to show her who she was, because even then she couldn't see it... but I was frightened to show her just how much she deserved, for fear she would leave me. And the universe would fall back into a dormant black depression.

"Are you cold?" she whispered. I shook my head in answer. She scrutinised my face for a few moments and stopped walking, but she didn't drop my hand. Her eyes were soft, like liquid sea water... More green than blue.

"You're shaking?" she questioned, there was a tenderness to her that made my stomach flip. I leant down my arms pulling her to me, she held me back and after a while, the shaking faded into nothing. Our heat merged into one warmth that enveloped the both of us. If the world had ended that night, I would have been happy... for it end would have been a blessing.


	4. Chapter 4

A few weeks passed with no sight of Lily, she was away with family telling them how she had received a scholarship to a top boarding school in the south of the country. They were dark days without her; I spent a lot of time on my own studying magic excessively. I wanted to be ready for anything: "the best wizard of the generation" – it was a big dream for such a small boy.

Mum's old school books became my constant companion over those few weeks before Hogwarts. I would learn soon that there had been nothing before Hogwarts. It would become my home. I waited eagerly every day for the arrival of the list of what I would need.

When it finally did come, I was overcome with excitement. I could not sit still enough to eat my breakfast. My mother looked at me through new eyes that morning. As if she had never really noticed me before. She rolled her eyes at me dramatically but a smile lit her face like I had not seen in a long time. She had loved magic; I saw it now in her. The same feelings that bubbled inside me were showing now.

"Can I go?" the question fell over my tongue in a rush. I didn't need to tell her where, she already knew.

"Of course, just be careful. Remember you're in the muggle world now, love. You're not at Hogwarts yet." She warned me. I nodded, she was right to tell me because I had forgotten the risk we faced being in this place. Muggles could not understand magic, and would certainly never accept it. We had to tread carefully.

It was a cold, crisp morning. I tripped on a cobble and sent myself sprawling across the street. I felt crimson heat paint across my cheek. I looked around, no one was about. Crawling up onto my feet, I dusted down my clothes. I changed my mind, deciding to take a shortcut through the graveyard. That way, I could visit Grandpa's grave on they way.

There was something about the graveyard that gave me the creeps. A shiver ran the full length of my spine as I knelt by the foot of the headstone and brushed the dirt away from the name: Arthur Prince.

"I will make you proud… I promise. I will be a great wizard. I will be everything you wanted me to be. I wont disappoint you grandpa." I whispered the words glad to get them of my chest and out of my mind.

"Well, isn't this touching?" her nasal voice was full of hatred and dripping sarcasm from every word. I spun around to meet Petunia's cold, glaring gaze. Her hand was clamped around Lily's wrist, it was visibly painful. My stomach churned just looking at it.

"Let go of her." I demanded, anger penetrating the sound. All I could see was her hand coiled around Lily's wrist, she was openly crying. Her eyes were puffy and filled with sorrow and still so flawless.

Petunia Laughed, it was a harsh noise. "Charming… Listen to me you little git, she is my sister. I will do what I want, though the fact that you think you could stop me is rather amusing." She finished with a twisted smile.

I stood up, advancing towards her. Lily was still crying and the sound filled my head. I couldn't find my control, anger built up in the pores of my body. Aching and tingling with magic. Magic was seeping into me, filling me.

CRACK

Petunia's hand fell loose from the grip, broken. Lilly let out a sharp gasp.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"I don't care what you mean, you spineless toad." She brought her finger from her other hand up against my chest. Her nail dug into my skin.

"You will never come near me, or my sister again. Do you hear me?" she questioned, but i couldnt face a life without Lily. I could not stay away from her...

"DO YOU HEAR ME?" she repeated, louder.

"Get off him, Petunia!" Lily interjected, a steely look in her eye. Petunia slapped her hard across the face.

"He's filth Lily, don't run to me when you learn it... oh but I forgot, you are filth too. You deserve each other..." she hissed and stalked away through the trees.

A silence fell over the graveyard, filling the spaces between me and her. i turned, thoroughly disillousioned with the day. Lilly called out after me, but i did not look back.


End file.
